Epic Yarns from Beyond the Horizon. The Petite Collection. Volume I. Read online

  Another time our Daimyo asked us to get him a sandwich from Subway, you know, a footlong 'Buffalo Chicken' one but we did not want to go all the way to Kyoto, so we just made sandwich ourselves out of fishcakes and cat food. Daimyo ate it and was like "That Buffalo Chicken tastes weird, like a tuna or something" and Hoshi, his chief retainer was like "My Lord, don't you know that Subways' chickens are tuna-fed? It is been this way for many years now". And he bows in that stuffy ceremonial way. All of us are trying not laugh our asses off and Hoshi is winking at us like "Keep it together dudes". So Daimyo says "OK but next time get me B.L.T. sandwich". Hehe. We have many types of cat food, that's all I have to say.

  And I remember last year Daimyo wanted to invade neighboring province but it was in a middle of Baseball playoffs, so nobody wanted to go, and we all pretended to be sick with syphilis. Daimyo was pissed, I tell you that. No bonuses that year, such a bummer.

  Oh, yeah, last week, we all went to 'Pleasure House', you know where geishas are at and video games and stuff, and Daimyo wanted to go with us, and you know how embarrassing it is to go with your boss to a party, so Hoshi winks at us and says to Daimyo "My Lord, it is so good of you to take your unworthy servants to the Pleasure House. Should I inform our Lady, your wife, that you going or will you tell her yourself?". And Daimyo's wife is firecracker. If she learns he went to play video games with geishas, he'll be in a dog house for a week. And I mean a real dog house, that woman has no sense of humor. So Daimyo stayed home and we partied like it was 1523.

  Once we sold Daimyo's horse. I don't remember why, I think it was a dare or something. Another time we were dragged by Daimyo to Mountain training, you know, when you sit under waterfall and murmur things to yourself for no reason. And the boys HATE mountain training. I mean such a waste of time. So Hoshi came up with a brilliant idea. He stole some of Daimyo's stationary, you know, his official letterheads and stuff, and wrote insulting letter to the Emperor's Wife and signed it with Daimyo's name. You guys know how Emperor feels about his wife right? Next day Daimyo was summoned to the capital and had some 'splaining to do'. Hehe. No mountain training for us that year...

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